The Four Pillars Of Being Fully Alive
I coach my clients in 4 fundamental areas of life or 4 Pillars of being fully ALIVE. Together with my clients we develop personalized strategies for upgrading, enlivening and mastering each of these sectors of their lives. Ultimately, all 4 of these “Pillars” or areas of life operate like 4 legs of a table. When one of them is not strong, the stability of their life will be shaky. When all 4 Pillars are strong, then your life will be stable and full of abundance, joy, fulfillment and peace.
When you’re living in alignment with your life’s true purpose, everything else in your life flows better. Living in alignment with your life purpose is fuel and energy for the rest of your life.
When you lose touch with your life purpose, the quality of your vitality, wealth and relationships all begin to decline–maybe not right away, but in the long run this will happen unless or until alignment with purpose is restored. Again, life purpose is the fuel that feeds every other area of our lives. Usually a sense of purposeless correlates with depression, feeling lost, feeling lifeless, i.e. less life or less alive.
If you don’t know what your life purpose is then I suggest you decide that your newfound purpose will be figuring out what your purpose is. Spend some time each day alone with a notepad writing down ideas or better yet book some life coaching sessions with me! We’ll get right to it and you’ll be feeling the fire of life again in no time.
Also remember that your definition of your life purpose may shift over time. Just because you decide THIS is my life purpose now doesn’t mean it’s written in stone and you can never change it in the future. It is likely that your definition of your life purpose will evolve with your consciousness over time.
My personal life purpose is to become ever more fully ALIVE and to serve that same desire in others.
What this means to me is to embrace the particular daily practices I have chosen to optimize, enjoy and evolve my life.
I won’t get into what my daily/weekly practices are right now, but suffice it to say that once you have your purpose, practice of your purpose is what must follow. If daily practice of your purpose does not arise, then you are not in touch with your true purpose, so go back to practicing the purpose of questioning what your purpose might be, experimenting purposefully until you find it. That way, you can never be without a purpose!
When you have lots of energy and your vitality is strong, then anything seems possible. When your vitality is low, very little seems possible or achievable.
Many people are conditioned to “burn the candle at both ends” or in other words, to burn themselves out. But once you are burned out, then you’ll have to recover, and that can consume a lot of time and energy. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. The key to vitality is to practice it every day as if your life depends on it because your life does depend on it. This includes activities like walking in nature, consistently breathing fresh, clean air (indoor and outdoor), drinking structured, energized, clean water and consuming food which fuels and energizes you instead of inflaming and draining you.
This also includes exercise and recovery (which should more often be mentioned together like this, as one, single phrase), and I include physical activities which have a spiritual and healing dimension as well like Qigong and Yoga, etc.
Vitality is a non-negotiable in life. If you don’t have it, then you don’t have life.
Monetary or capital wealth is generated based on the value you exchange with others.
Yes, there are types of wealth other than monetary or capital, for example, spiritual wealth. And while spiritual wealth is the most important type of wealth, capital wealth is an area of utmost concern for most of us living in modern society. When we dial in our relationship and mastery of wealth, everything else in our lives becomes easier.
Money has to do with the root chakra or in Maslow’s hierarchy, with survival needs. Issues at the root are often fraught with emotional charge, and the more we heal and energize this area, because it is foundational, then the rest of the structure of our physiology and life, i.e., the external circumstances of our life function more smoothly. Strong foundation = better chance of an overall strong structure. Without a good foundation, the structure will fail.
When we have plenty of energy (money is a physical representation of energy), capital or other resources or means of exchange to offer in exchange for products and services that enhance our lives, everything in life is easier! Our relationship with wealth and our level of wealth has a lot do with our perceptions and our beliefs around money and around life in general.
In most of the world, people have been heavily conditioned by society to have a negative and stressful relationship with money and resources and to believe that energy is scarce. The truth is that energy is the most abundant thing that exists. Everything is made out of energy, so there is no such thing as a scarcity of energy! However, there are more and less skillful ways of working with the energy and packaging and exchanging value in a way that builds wealth in the long term.
Mastering this “Pillar” of success allows everything else in our lives to work better.
Dating & Relationships
Life is about relationships. And relationships consistently provide some of our best and most challenging opportunities for growth and enjoyment of life.
Some people say that your network is your net worth. This idea reflects how interconnected every “Fully Alive Pillar” is with each of the others. You really can’t have one of the pillars missing since there’s a crucial relationship among all four of them.
What’s the point of life if it’s beautiful but you can’t share it!? Sharing your life with others gives ineffable meaning to life.
So even if you are single and you like it that way, you still have relationships with your family or friends or coworkers or clients, etc.
Some of my clients have been or are currently in a dating phase of their lives. Dating presents its own set of unique challenges and experiences.
When I was in my early and mid-twenties I spent around 1000 nights going out to bars and clubs and other social venues approaching women, practicing cold-approach pick-up. Not only did I train myself with consistent real life experience, I was also constantly watching videos from the most experienced “dating gurus” in the world, reading their articles and books and immersing myself in the world of improving my dating skills. It was very challenging for me and also fun sometimes. I learned a lot about male-female attraction and how to navigate the dating world. I learned a lot about human connection.
Eventually I found my way into long term monogamous relationships (I have a beautiful life partner of almost 5 years now) and I’ve also briefly experimented with polyamory. To further my experience and understanding of general relational dynamics and human connection, I practiced (and eventually facilitated) Authentic Relating. I also practiced Orgasmic Meditation and other advanced relational practices which have given me rare insight into human connection and how to cultivate it.
Of course there is also the platonic as well as the business side of human connection. I’ve always had an intuitive, easy ability to make friends anywhere I’ve gone. The difference with me is that I also know how to explain what I’m doing and how to help people become more magnetic, confident and charismatic and to naturally connect with others more easily, if that is one of their desires. It can take practice for some, but it’s simply a skillset like any other skillset which can be learned and honed. As is often the case, most of it is about unwinding societal conditioning and programming.
Lastly, but not least, I’ve spent my entire working career, over 15 years in direct sales, more than 9 years of which I have been successfully knocking on doors in order to sell residential roofing and other storm damage restoration services. I have a natural knack with people which, again, I have consciously developed over this lifetime, and the beauty is that I can transmit my knowledge of human connection to others in a way that they can understand and implement in order to master their own variety of relationships.
Some people like to divide life into more than just 4 sectors, and I have no problem with that. These are the Pillars or sectors of life that I use and that I work on with my clients. Mastering these Pillars of Success is mastering life itself. There are many different ways to go about doing this, but all of them require curiosity, experimentation and practice.
When we are willing to practice opening ourselves up to life, to embrace life, to face each area of our lives directly and to practice eliminating our futile attempts to run and hide from the intensity of life, life rewards us with abundance, joy, fulfillment and peace.
How about that?